fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
