I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
