my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Randomize
