Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
