My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
