We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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