Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
