Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
