During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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