Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
