The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
