I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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