If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
