No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
dude. I can hear the air.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
