Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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