I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i think my cat just said my name.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
