I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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