Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
