seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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