JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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