I'm going to jail i love you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
