Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
