happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
