You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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