lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
