It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
