Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
