All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
