I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
