What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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