i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
