question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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