sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
