i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
