problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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