She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
