dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
