My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
