Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
