she was so not down for the gang bang
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
