I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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