He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
