Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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