My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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