dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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