I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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