so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
