If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
