it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
