dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
