I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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