Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
