i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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